dead meat? nuh-uh. August 4, 2008
Posted by sammie in you know....Tags: just know, praise report, shocks, Wow.
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It’s 9:55am. I am at the Humanities section of the UST library. Tears are beginning to fall the second time for this hour.
But this time, I know for sure, I am saved.
Whew.
I left the house at 8am planning to go to the library and study since I wont be able to focus if I were at home, seated in front of the PC. When I was already at the floor most call the “lobby,” even it’s not lobby-ish (or it’s just me because my idea of a lobby is far different), I hurried back up the stairs, to the third floor, to the room, only to get my second most-priced possession for today: my flash disk.
Wow. Good thing I remembered it even before I get on a jeepney.
My article for Cuartero’s class due today was saved there. My printer isn’t working so I looked forward to having it printed in Nitro, or Excel, or Photoprints, or somewhere.
SO I was all confident that I have it on my pocket, or in my bag, or hung on my neck.
Then when I landed on a comfortable, yet cold seat at the library, I opened my Bible and prayed. I said, Lord, please let your glory shine today.
Minutes later, as I was writing things on my planner, photographs of my friends crossed my mind. Great! I am going to print them wallet-sized!
I checked my bag and… OH NO, WHERE IS IT?
On times like these, I would normally panic and run back through where the places I passed on. But today was different. I don’t know where I left it, on the jeep? in the “lobby?” Going home would be too difficult since the typhoon is just around the corner. UST and typhoons are not a very good combination, you know. Plus, I’ll be wasting two hours of my supposedly review time running for that kilobyte file.
I don’t care about the photograhs in it or the files I dearly keep. All I need is my paper. And for the third time today (first was when I woke up), I prayed. I said, Lord I want to cry but Lord, I know you’re in control.
I closed my eyes because I don’t want everything to sink in. Im not dead. I recited Jeremiah 29:11,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, ”plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
and Romans 8:28.
“For we know all things work together for those who love God.”
Right that very moment, I knew I’m saved.
I rushed to the one of the library computers and typed www.evernote.com, signed in and THERE I FOUND MY BELOVED THREE-PAGE YURI URIBE ARTICLE, white as snow!
I don’t know why I saved it there because I don not really believe in back-upping files. I’m too trusting. Haha.
WHEW. Now I really know how not to be anxious in everything, that in everything I really should go through prayer and just present my requests and problems to God (from Phil 4:6).
As I look at the window on my right, I see, I see the sun shine beneath the hazy day. His glory shines.
Note: I wasn’t paid by Evernote to write this. Hahahaha.
My matchstick thrown to the flame August 3, 2008
Posted by sammie in you know....Tags: D12, Jzone, Passion, Wow.
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I woke up this morning with a wonderful song playing over and over in my head.. It goes, “For greater things have yet to come, for greater things are still to be done, in this city…” I felt so refreshed, so blessed. On my right hand still was the Passion Manila wrist band Louie Giglio told the crowd of 8,000 not to remove until Sunday night, until they end the Kuala Lumpur leg.
Yaay. Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio are going to plant a church! Now I have a reason to write “Visit Atlanta” in my bucket list.
Friday, on my way to CCF to meet Junnel, I found myself craving for fruitcake. I know it’s not the season season yet but I just want some, even just a bite. I wished that I’ll be able to take a taste of that heavy, fruity, nutty, alcohol-soaked brown loaf. But just that night, four hours after my fruitcake wish, my heart told me that I want to be a fruitcake and make a difference.
Yes. I want to be one. If you’re curious, click here (the roomie, Christa, was referred as the “fruitcake” in Ashley’s journal).
So, what has God been teaching me? Well, it’s simple. The three-letter wonder: JOY.
For the past weeks, I’ve been really asking God to make me cry. I really yearn for a heart-breaking moment where all I want to do is to sob my heart out. I want to feel that the sky is falling, I want to feel so down and so empty and so helpless and so weak.
But look, here I am, still breathing, still a-ok. I even watched the Korean flick Daddy Long Legs (as recommended by Apple) because I really want to burst into tears. Oh yes, I got sad, depressed, but tears just didn’t fall.
I asked God, why? I’m not a masochist, okay? I just want to feel despair because I want to feel God save me. Bring me back to Him, carry me, tell me everything’s going to be alright. But no matter how hard I plea for it, He just seems not to listen.
When I arrived at the ULTRA for the Passion, I said to myself, thizizit! I’m gonna cry now.
But how come I’m not feeling anything bad inside? How come my heart’s not throbbing? I want to feel pain. I want pain nowww!
Oh well. Access denied. There wasn’t anything to make drama about.
BUT WHY DID I CATCH MYSELF CRYING?
I felt God. I can’t stop the tears. They just fell and I don’t know why, but I loved the feeling. There’s nothing wrong in me, no agony, no pain. In fact, I felt perfectly perfect. I was joyfully joyful.
God’s comfort surrounded me even I didn’t need it; He was just there, even though I didn’t deserve it.
Then I realized, God doesn’t want me to mourn in pain. I want you to be happy, Sammie. Christ died on the cross for you so you’ll be able to feel My love. Problems will come, but I love you, you should be joyful. Whew.
This is perhaps why I wasn’t feeling gloom for the past days, God has sealed joy in my heart.
I cried hard. It was long and the last thing I wanted to do was to stop. I felt free.
Wow, I don’t need pain to cry, after all. His love alone made me fall on my knees. Whoa. Amazing.
Indescribable, uncontainable, all powerful, untamable, incomparable, unchangeable.
